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When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a child’s addiction fear the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”